It's unclear to me if this is a weakness or a strength. I don't know which way is up.
Are you a stronger person if you're willing to say fuck it and go do your own thing and not be concerned with things like health care and financial stability?
Or are you a stronger person by steadfastly holding your station at work, because you just barely have enough grit to tough it out?
I can't shake the feeling that making peace with this half-living state as a daily existence is either the greatest achievement or the biggest mistake. So I remain anxious about it and pretend I haven't committed either way, although my resume would show you that I've clearly opted for permanent half-living through continuous employment.
Maybe it's too much to think about and I should go back to fantasizing about a life worth living while another work day ticks by...
This really concisely sums up a feeling I haven’t been able to put my finger on for the longest time, thank you.
According to the calculators, I still have to put in at least another 10 years and save aggressively before I can quit.
I don't think I'm gonna last that long, and if I do, I don't know if there'll be any of me left to enjoy it.
I absolutely love a tiny island town called Bocas Del Torro, Panama , you can buy a decent house for 50-150K, they use the US dollar, their is a large active expat community. If you're ok with learning Spanish, I'd get the f out before you completely die.
My current plan is to hold this job for as long as I can, then I'm done ( I'm 40 for reference ) - Im going to live as long as the money lasts, have a good time of freedom, then it's goodbye.
My Spanish is no bueno, but if my job was "learn Spanish", I don't think it'd be a huge problem.
Wouldn't you have to worry about political instability down in Panama? How would health care work? Can I return to the US if I leave? Do I have to give up US citizenship? Would Panama be ok with me working remotely?
There's gotta be some catch besides the choice of language.
Healthcare is cash only, if you had a serious problem I would recommend going back to the US.
If you spend over 50K for a house you get dual citizenship, you don't give up your US citizenship ( I personally wouldn't move anywhere where you have to give up US citizenship ) , you still pay taxes on any money earned in the US.
It's not a perfect solution at all, you just have to figure out what you value the most.
I will say, I spent 6 months down there, and coming back was hell. Why do we live this way ? The natives their fish out of the ocean for their food, they don't have alarm clocks, they don't have _any_ paperwork, and there some of the happiest people I've ever met. I'd trade my material shit for their freedom most days.
I don't feel suicidal, but I do feel desperate to waste less of my priceless time on piling up the money so that I can survive and support a family in a society that seems engineered to trap me in this half-living state. Maybe I'm just weak, for not being willing to throw it all away and go live in a barrel up in the mountains.