Your post started out rather sympathetically, but I find I lack sympathy by the end. You rage against how racist you think white people are, a belief you justify with absurd generalisations - white people are "privileged", they will "NEVER" understand (not even if they try and you talk to them about it), and so on.

I have to say something deeply unpopular here - yes, I know in America maybe it's different, but there's only racist people I've ever met have been people engaging in this kind of casual racism against whites. I never saw the opposite. Most accusations of it turn out to be bad statistical assumptions, like "percentage by race of people experiencing a bad outcome differ from the general population, so it must be racism" - ignoring all other factors.