Add alcohol, gaming addiction, lack off a social support group, and underlying undiagnosed mental health disorders to the list of things that hold you hostage from entering balanced adulthood.

Wish I was more self aware or had family to help support me in my younger years in seeking help. It's hard not to beat yourself up in hindsight when things seem so crystal clear now when you have traded all your vices for positive routines. In my case it took falling in love with the right person who had their shit together personally and professionally to pull me from the grips of substance abuse hell and my self destructive risk taking and addictive personality.

Mediation and mindfulness was key in my recovery as a dependable tool to shut my brain impulsivity down and regain control over the negative neural pathways I've reinforced for years abusing substances. Don't knock it until you try it and see it through until you can start to think clearly without craving your vices and giving into them. Push back hard and you'll be rewarded with clarity and control over your life to set up positive routines. Good luck.