I too struggle with this. I think your question is very on-point. I don't live very near family, so our dual-income house is very focused on balancing two adults' work and personal lives with kids' needs, and honestly it often comes out to the parents' detriment.

I wish there were more of a movement to re-create some of the 'it takes a village' mentality - not least because I'm selfish enough to want things for myself as an individual, not just a parent.