It's possible that you may be inadvertently behaving in ways that amount to "sexual anorexia", a pattern of actions that amounts to self-sabotage where you unconsciously prevent yourself from getting the very thing you want. Maybe these will offer a different perspective:

https://saa-recovery.org/diversity/isa/

https://www.slaauk.org/is-slaa-for-me/anorexia-sexual-social...