This is how a therapists' training distinguishes them from a friendly ear. It's very hard to get through the pattern of behavior that you describe, because the combination of empathy and pragmatism required to facilitate growth requires a fine balance. Too much pragmatism will push away the self-victimizing friend, and too much empathy will never facilitate growth.

Professional therapists often fail in this, which is one way that people can see a therapist for years and never make progress on their issue.