Because the real world is like that, there is no possible programming language that is going to prevent the need for "if". Users may think they don't care about that, but the requirements are full of "if".

Loops you don't need to code today - if you don't need too precise a control over execution. If you need real control, you probably need to write the loop instead of just using a comprehension.

Data storage schemas: As databases scale, efficiency of storage start to add up to real money. The user may not care, but the finance people care a great deal.

No, not necessarily, depending on the business requirements. There's already logic programming, for example a language like Prolog. You the programmer input a very high-level description of the rules that your information must follow. The computer figures out all the imperative bits.