Amanda Palmer covered this well, in her song A Mother's Confession (which should make any parent cringe). It starts with her baby, whom she thought couldn't roll yet, rolling off a changing-table shelf and landing on the floor. "At least the baby didn't die" becomes her mantra, as the song details terrible parenting mistake after terrible parenting mistake.
I’m constantly playing the “no ones died yet on my watch” card.
It somehow doesn’t make her feel any better.