I thought the new school of thought was never, ever attempt to date a colleague. Too much risk, even in considering.

Yeah, you could also hang out with your actually funny and interesting female colleague and meet her female engineering college friends. In pre online dating times you'd meet people by physically hanging out in groups, having fun and eventually meeting other friends. Good times. Y'all should try it eventually.

And have your after hours discussions and activities now possibly jeopardize your job if something is misinterpreted? Not even once.

I think the risk of this is widely exaggerated.

I have had many, many long and interesting conversations with women colleagues, and there's never been any risk of anything being misinterpreted, because I:

* don't joke about how I would like to date them (because I don't want to and it isn't a good joke),

* don't suggest that we should meet in places that would be appropriate for dating (romantic restaurant, one of our places, quiet bar, etc),

* don't joke about having sex with people (because those aren't good jokes and I wouldn't discuss having sex with people who aren't close friends),

* don't talk about or joke about pornography.

Carving out that handful of broad exceptions of things I don't discuss with colleagues (men or women) leaves a huge amount of things to discuss -- and places to discuss them -- that aren't really open to misinterpretation.

I also don't think most women want to call out their coworkers, because of the intense social scrutiny turned back on them when they do so, even when their initial calling-out was warranted.

So telling that these simple behavioural rules actually have to be spelled out instead of being normal common sense behaviour.

You can follow the rules laid out and still be accused of saying something offensive. The risk reward isn’t worth socially engaging with colleagues.

Certainly, it's possible one can be accused of anything, with or without any basis in reality.

I don't believe the risk of being accused of inappropriate behavior is anywhere near what you seem to, and accordingly have spent many, many hours and evenings socializing with colleagues, many of whom (men and women) remain friends long after the job is over.

Govern yourself according to what you deem appropriate, but suggesting that it is a fact of society that women are untrustworthy is neither true nor useful to society at large.