I don't have specific advice regarding the score, but I do suggest any advice provided here be taken with a grain of salt. Not because of the community (I like to think we're all well-intending here, it isn't about that) but because we're simply strangers, and we don't know enough about you to provide an accurate answer.

Find a good mental health professional who will take the time and care to understand you, and show them the same thoughts you've shared here.

You shouldn't have to change your vernacular with a mindful professional. There's plenty of leads they can follow here -- And if you want effective answers about your feelings, that's who should be doing it! A true professional dedicated to figuring these things out with you.