I'm in Wall Street, not academia, and I have the same issue. I'm not a recovering alcoholic by any stretch of the imagination, and yet I do think "this is a big deal" so maybe my personal anecdote might help others in this thread sympathize with the author.

I used to drink a lot in my 20s (binge drinking every Friday and/or Saturday was the norm for a couple of years) but now that I'm in my 30s with a ton of responsibilities and need to be an actual adult, I just can't afford to be hungover the next day. It also helps that I think more longer-term and really don't want to give myself cancer.

Nearly every event or client dinner I attend has essentially an open bar, and by God I wish they didn't.

First, because no good can come out of coworkers being drunk around each other.

Second, because it's much harder to say no to alcohol (something I'm consciously trying to avoid) when I'm offered top shelf booze for free.

Third, and most importantly, because my coworkers will likely think I'm weird, anti-social or that I am judging them for drinking. Even if you think the odds of that happening are 10% (and I think the odds are more like 90% especially among older, male partners), it means a non-zero damage to my career, and I'm not willing to risk that.

So I order a glass of wine, or quietly go to the bar and order a ginger ale, or some sparkling water with lime and pretend I'm drinking alcohol....