How the Valley treats experienced people

Re:How the Valley treats experienced people by pvarangot on Sunday December 30, 2018 @11:36AM (#18789909)

I'm 34, left my 7 years relation two years ago, am gay and never thought I could have kids and am not planning on having kids any time soon. This kind of thinking about that the traits that one develops with age and experience only come about with raising a family kind of worries me, I have a pretty good idea on what I'm missing on since absolutely all my good friends from university and most of my close friends from my past two gigs are raising kids. I just don't think I'm in te proper situation to do it. I also think I can manage time and prioritize better because life did throw stuff at me, just not marriage and children.

Also, if I feel like it, I can work 80 hour weeks. I just need to rest after doing it and can't sustain it for too long. I don't know if I can't sustain it for too long "because of age", or if because of experience I do now realize I'm doing everything wrong because of burnout, and when I was young I just powered through doing wrong shit when I was stressed out or sleep deprived and didn't asses I was doing wrong shit.

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Re:How the Valley treats experienced people by castlecrasher2 on Sunday December 30, 2018 @11:45AM (#18789959)

> I just don't think I'm in te proper situation to do it.

In my experience there are two kinds of pre-kid people: those who aren't ready for it and those who lie about being ready for it.

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Re:How the Valley treats experienced people by komali2 on Sunday December 30, 2018 @11:50AM (#18789989)

I've heard this before, but there is something to be said about the difference between someone having kids at the start of their careers when they have little to no savings, and several years (hell, a decade) into their careers when they have high paying jobs with good stay-at-home policy, lots of money in the bank, perhaps a house.

I grew up in situation 1 (teen pregnancy) and it is fascinating to talk with my friends about the different environments we grew up in and the different issues (mentally or financially) we face based on that simple comparison.

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Re:How the Valley treats experienced people by sharemywin on Sunday December 30, 2018 @12:43PM (#18790298)

Its funny how much life is staked against with a family. especially if one or both of you don't have a college degree. school hours aren't set up for jobs. A lot of companies don't tolerate sick kids. daycare is beyond expensive. health care for families is just impossible. Most people don't have enough savings to make a dent.

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Re:How the Valley treats experienced people by pavel_lishin on Sunday December 30, 2018 @12:57PM (#18790389)

Society is still geared for either one spouse and/or extended family to help with childcare.

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Re:How the Valley treats experienced people by sharemywin on Tuesday January 01, 2019 @04:53PM (#18802629)

except one salary doesn't cut it anymore. especially, with >$1000/mo in health insurance. with high deductibles.

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Re:How the Valley treats experienced people by test6554 on Sunday December 30, 2018 @01:10PM (#18790453)

In today's world you almost need a family with 3 adult partners. Two workers and one stay-at-home person taking care of the home and children.

That sort of arrangement would put you solidly in the middle class at least while having a well-cared-for home and children.

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Re:How the Valley treats experienced people by komali2 on Sunday December 30, 2018 @05:11PM (#18791661)

My time as a teacher as well as my own studies have convinced me that moving away from the village model was a mistake - children in groups easily self regulate and self educate given minimal direction from a teacher (and powerful guidelines for timeboxed schedules), a role easily filled by the "wisest" in a group (the elderly).

Somewhat contradictorily, it's far easier to manage, teach, and set straight (punish/reward) 15 kids than it is 2. You have to be a falcon for bullying though - spot it from ten miles away and strike it at 100 miles an hour.

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Re:How the Valley treats experienced people by cozuya on Sunday December 30, 2018 @12:21PM (#18790167)

Irritating attitude and assumptions. Even the wording of "being ready for it" is ignorant. There are many, many successful people who do not have or do not want or will not ever want children.

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Re:How the Valley treats experienced people by drdeadringer on Sunday December 30, 2018 @01:23PM (#18790531)

Like myself, I consider such folks not "pre-kid" but simply "no-kid".

Because not everybody is "pre-kid" by virtue of not wanting kids in the first place.

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Re:How the Valley treats experienced people by castlecrasher2 on Friday January 04, 2019 @12:08PM (#18825623)

My apologies, I didn't intend to suggest anything like people with no intention of having children are simply "pre-kid" until they come to their senses.

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Re:How the Valley treats experienced people by sbov on Sunday December 30, 2018 @12:59PM (#18790403)

It makes me sad that someone feels like they need to justify not being able to work 80 hours per week.

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Re:How the Valley treats experienced people by mercer on Sunday December 30, 2018 @01:28PM (#18790540)

I'm straight and similarly aged. don't worry about expectations, but if you do, at least keep in mind you're not alone! it's enough work to make things work for yourself, let alone worry about how the rest of the world does it...

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Re:How the Valley treats experienced people by ianai on Sunday December 30, 2018 @12:22PM (#18790182)

I'm in a similar position. I think the parenthood decision should be discussed much more seriously. Society does itself a disservice every time it erects expectations on people solely by sex, age, race, etc.

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