I hope this is an idiosyncratic research project rather than an indirect statement of impending suicide. You should probably clarify that and get help if the latter. I've been suicidal but it's not OK to solicit an audience for that, doubly so with deceptive methods. It's very unfair to the people who see it and are helpless to do anything about, because while it causes them to share some of your pain they are not responsible for your painful condition. If you are suicidal you need to visit a hospital and request treatment. Rationalizations made in a depressed state tend to be based on flawed premises.