This just reeks of sales pitch. I've been blogging for six years. I've got some adsense on my blog ( http://www.puremango.co.uk ) but I don't relate to that jargon about publishers, ad spaces, industry lowest fees. It's a hobby not a business. WTF is tenancy pricing? I have a zone?

Use something more like this instead:

Hi Howard,

Really enjoying your blog. I see you're running adsense at the moment. I'd really appreciate some comments from you on my advertising system. If you're interested I'll set you up with a free beta account. You don't have to commit to putting our ads on your blog, I really just want some feedback from quality bloggers who understand advertising.

Let me know if that sounds like something you'd be interested in.

Thanks, Samuel, founder of Adclays.

PS: Ok, it's been ten hours. You should have emailed me to invite me to your beta program. I'm your target market and I've shown interest and a willingness to provide feedback. Isn't that exactly what you want? Why aren't you chasing me up?

Hello, thanks for the reply and advice. I was really busy today so couldn't check HN until now. I would definitely send you an email soon.

no worries :) I've had a busy day too. I should have waited longer before poking you! I got your email, will reply tomorrow. Thanks!

absolutely. A personal message will carry so much more weight. I get tons of advertising requests and they barely get read because I can tell they are boilerplate.

Thanks for the comment. That point has been noted and would help me approach bloggers better.

Sigh....I get these all the time, and delete right away.

This is all about you, your company, why you're so great.

What about me? I'm a blogger. Bloggers have egos. Play to my ego, at least try to give me the sense that you spent at least 5 minutes getting to know something about me.

Who are the publishers using the system? Why not list them.

Stop talking about yourself, talk about me, write a blog post and link to me, then maybe you'll have a shot.

Bloggers you don't have any previous relationship with are tough nuts to crack.

Good luck.

yeah - at the very least try and customize the letter to the particular person. Otherwise you're just spam.

Wow, that seriously sounds like SPAM!

Be human man, you are writing to a blogger.

Being a blogger, I'd never ever respond not ever read beyond first line.

Make it sounds cool man. And you are not "CEO", are you? You are a "Founder" If I am not wrong.

Tell me what is in there for "me" rest is bullshit.

Thanks for the advice, i tried to keep it short. Do you think writing the benefits as a sentence or bullet points?

It's not awful, but as user24 says - it's VERY salesy.

Think about what the problem is for a blogger - making some money out of their hobby, in the easiest possible way, without annoying their readers.

If you are not a blogger yourself, why not interview blogger friends to see what the issues or problems that they are having either with making money or with using tools (not getting paid etc.)

And yeah, don't say CEO - and use language your mother and father would understand - I know some bloggers are technical - but many are not.

Good luck ;) - (and spelling error in your title BTW)

You're going to need to relate to the people you're writing to. Bloggers are individuals, not commodities. Pitch to solve their problems -- if they're bitching about a problem your product could solve, for example, connect the dots for them.

Look at it like this: what you've sent is like the junk mail I throw out each day — it's for everyone, so I know it's not for me. I'd never toss a hand written, hand addressed letter sent to me, though. Create the same distinction in your email, make it clearly for whomever is receiving it, and you'll at least escape the trash a little longer.

It's good. Keep going.