I did therapy / group therapy for about 9 years, but decided that it would be healthiest to leave San Francisco / America, and where I live now they don't really have therapists (and I've yet to grasp the language).

I reached out on HN mostly because I'm hoping to find some other crazy old men, as I've known quite a few people in my direct career field who I could be describing in this way (washed up young, formerly successful, diagnosed bi-polar or schizophrenic (I'm thankful I'm not schizophrenic. I've been to a few funerals for them. Most people my age from the bay would remember a sysadmin named SLF when I say this). )

My kid I don't interact with much, I decided a long time ago it was better to keep them shielded from my craziness. Now it's just text messages & international adventures once a year.

If you are still interested in therapy, online therapy is an option. Haven't used it myself but I have seen others vouch for it, ex. https://www.betterhelp.com/

I second the online therapy route. My wife is a psychiatrist and she did this with a few of her clients when we relocated and still wanted to keep seeing her. Some continue to see her well over a year later.

"I decided a long time ago it was better to keep them shielded from my craziness."

Did your kid had a say in that decision? I know you're trying to protect him, but he might want to be with you regardless.