Re:I know why rejection emails suck – I write them
by chongli on Monday August 27, 2018 @05:40PM
(#17854807)
Why don't they want to do it? How might I make them more comfortable with me so they can explain how they really feel?
I'd be very cautious with this approach. Politeness is an extremely important social defense mechanism for most people. By ignoring the standard polite response and trying to get at the truth you're undermining a person's attempt to save face. By doing so, you're attacking their autonomy and agency as a human being.
Re:I know why rejection emails suck – I write them
by shimon on Monday August 27, 2018 @09:02PM
(#17855834)
I'm not suggesting directly asking these questions of the other person. I'm suggesting these as topics for you to think about if you're getting the polite excuse and want the actual reason. To get that you have to actually make them more comfortable; calling them out on a polite lie obviously isn't going to do that.
We see Most Available Excuses in product feedback ("it's too hard to use" is easier to say than "I didn't see how this would help me accomplish anything I actually care about"), in social engagements ("sorry, too busy this week"), and many other areas.
I'm a natural skeptic so I maintain a mental set of Most Available Excuses, and when I hear one I treat it as a dodge, not an answer. Why don't they want to do it? How might I make them more comfortable with me so they can explain how they really feel?