Thanks for the thoughtful input, and I'm certainly taking your anecdotes as advice. In fact, taking a break seems like a good idea, I'll have to work this into my life sometime soon.

However I have to be honest, my life has never been more successful than it currently is. Not to say it would be more so if I wasn't a daily user, but hopefully you see my point.

No need to respond if you're not comfortable, but in what ways did you fail to grow, that you realized? This could also be good advice for me.

It's tough.. Not only was I a pothead, I was an advocate. I grew and supplied dispensaries with flowers and edibles. I'm not saying weed should be banned but I think we need a rational discussion on it.

I understand your feelings. My salary peaked in the midst of my binge. I was a (in my circle) somewhat of a rockstar, making tons of money, working an easy job. It's the classic story of the tortoise and the hare though. I am, in some limited technical aspects, kinda smart. Some things come easy. I let that lull me into thinking I didn't need to compete. Now I'm no longer the golden boy and struggling to stay relevant in a rapidly changing world.

I failed to learn to develop my strategic thinking. As you age, people pay you less for the work you can get done and more for your ability to lead, to strategize, to think ahead. They don't pay you to craft clever solutions(well, not as much). You have to be social, clear minded, and dependable. I let myself get buried in unfinished tasks and useless distractions. I failed to cultivate more mature relationships outside my stoner friend circle. I failed to pursue more difficult and challenging roles. Heck, a peer of mine just landed a very senior job at MS. If I hadn't had my head in the clouds, I could have achieved similar successes. I basically burned the last ten years, my thirties, getting by instead of looking ahead.

I also let a very damaging relationship persist long after I knew it was destined to fail. I should have ended my marriage over a decade ago but instead I got high and avoided it. Now I'm on the hook for long-term alimony and starting over in my 40s after losing my house and over half of my net worth.

It's definitely not all the fault of my addictions, but my choice of drugs certainly didn't help. Now that I'm beyond it(despite dipping my toe back in the waters over the last few weeks to try to ease my sleep apnea), I have the clarity to see how it held me back. I always had a voracious appetite for learning and self-improvement. During my time 'in the cloud' it turned into a self-destructive binge of useless and expensive hobbies and distractions. I emerged with not much to show for it besides some hazy memories. Life is short. Attack it.

As a 25 year old, going on 31 days quitting cold turkey after blazing every hour for the past 5 years, having gone through a divorce 10 months ago...thank you for your post. Seriously, thank you. I attributed a lot of my successes to my weed smoking habit, but I have been catching whiffs of what you said in my own life, and to hear someone else express it so clearly...you’re really helping by sharing your experiences. I truly wish you the best.

the hard won wisdom and honest self asessment here are inspiring, and im not sure why. but i think its very good you wrote this, and im almost positive the guy you are responding to is going to benefit from what you are saying, not to mention all the other readers

Wow. I have been delving in my own delusional mind for far too long. For me, this really is the truth that has been hiding in the mist of denial. Thanks for sharing.

This is a great post, thank you.

oh man, that's exactly my experience - I get shit done but I'm perfectly aware that what I'm doing is not near my real capabilities. And tech life allows you to smoke every day without consequences - good money, no strict working hours, no one watching you work etc.

How did you manage to stay so high at work?

I was an engineer at a design services firm. My 'boss' was 500 miles away, along with the rest of my team. People threw bugs and tasks at me and I did them. At my company, I'd walk in, go straight to my cube, and sit there all day. Occasionally I'd get social. Even when I was assigned to other projects working with local teams, or even leading teams of people, I managed to make it work. People just got used to me being that way I guess.

I wasn't really hiding it. I have long hair(usually worn down) and had a reputation as being a party guy. But I had an outstanding technical reputation and that shielded me from scrutiny. I was making my company a lot of money and as long as that continued I don't think anyone really gave a shit.

How do you think being high affected your work?

I usually did the minimum required of me. While I did challenge myself and learn new things, I stuck to the easy stuff. I worked the minimum amount of time every week and shied away from taking on voluntary projects which would have made my usefulness to my employer more obvious. I got my job done in 20-30 hours, billed for 40, and went home(shitty, I know).

When times got tough for my client(after nearly 6 years) I was eventually replaced with a WiPro guy.

I could have learned C++14, but instead I stuck with what I knew. I could have learned algorithms, but I stuck with the driver/systems/embedded stuff I knew. I could have learned the security frameworks and been really valuable right now.

The last 2 years have been a time of furious catching up. I'm now being courted by FANG companies and hoping I can make the cut(I need to bump my salary to afford alimony... long story).

As long as you a) have experience being stoned in public, and b) don't smell like burnt flower, it's not too difficult to fly under the radar. Just try not to talk with people, however if you do, I've learned that overloading a person's mind distracts them enough to not pay attention to your slightly glassy eyes. Basically: do your job and ask them to do theirs.