On Loneliness and Solitude

Re:On Loneliness and Solitude by alexpetralia on Sunday August 19, 2018 @02:59PM (#17795662)

As this essay does, it always helps to dig deeper into what a word such as loneliness actually means.

I've written about this a bit below[1,2]. I'm interested in what the ingredients of these deep relationships are, both emotionally (eg. interests, vulnerability) and logistically (eg. time, proximity) so that we can better create and maintain them. I think that if we can influence these factors, we can have better control of our natural degree of loneliness (and to emphasize, some amount is completely natural).

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I think the word “loneliness” is loaded with a ton of baggage, so maybe a better way to frame it is as “a lack of deep relationships.” I have a couple of thoughts here.

First, defined in this way, you can have one close friend and not be lonely. You can have a ton of “friends” and still be lonely. This seems much more intuitively correct.

Second, deep relationships are hard, and things which are hard are generally rare. It’s hard to get out of the house, leave what is comfortable and go meet strangers. On top of that, we’ve all had times where we meet new people, have a lot in common - and yet, nothing “deeper” materializes. And on top of that, strengthening and maintaining a relationship takes a lot of work. Without investment of time or effort, relationships atrophy. Deep relationships should necessarily be uncommon.

[1] https://alexpetralia.github.io/2018/04/02/NL-2018-04-02.html

[2] https://alexpetralia.github.io/2018/03/19/NL-2018-03-19.html

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Re:On Loneliness and Solitude by NeedMoreTea on Sunday August 19, 2018 @03:15PM (#17795717)

Interesting thought, which seems logical, but I'm not sure it's enough. People can still be lonely around family or close friends, so to some degree it is seems situational. How do we explain the apparently inexorable rise of loneliness across the globe? Have deep relationships become less common or more difficult to achieve in the last half century? If it were that simple wouldn't we find it easier to resolve?

> Deep relationships should necessarily be uncommon

I don't think this follows. It's not that long ago that people most often lived in a small town or village and had deeper relationships with just about everyone. Partly because life and work constrained numbers and proximity and you knew most for much of your life.

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Re:On Loneliness and Solitude by chongli on Sunday August 19, 2018 @07:47PM (#17796863)

I think it needs more than a close friendship. The true solution to loneliness is a lasting and intimate relationship with a romantic partner. That is something I believe has become truly hard to find.

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