That aside, assets can be divided up without involving lawyers. Indeed, hiring lawyers is the pretty much the one thing you can do to guarantee that the divorce will be acrimonious, because the lawyers could care less about your (or your soon-to-be-ex spouse's) feelings.
I've never seen a judge throw out an amicable divorce settlement drawn up by parties without their own lawyers. At most, they required the divorcing parties to have the agreement looked over by a lawyer to make sure it satisfied necessary legal requirements.
And I had three lawyers warn me of exactly this scenario. I'm not saying you are wrong, I'm saying as a lay-person that the law is very frustrating.
This was my experience as well. I've been wondering if there is an audience for tools to help people going through a divorce, especially for those in the tech industry, since there are often complicated concerns over stock options, RSUs, 401k, bonus plans, etc. that are included in most tech worker's total compensation (btw - this is what you use to calculate support, not salary) that can. I had a very hard time finding help during my divorce for complicated topics such as these, and had to turn to many costly specialists to apply their formulas to determine community property.
But otherwise, the Nolo Prenuptial guide is sufficient for most marriages and is in fact the guide that judges in SoCal will recommend.
This is the real problem, I think - people can't seem to split agreeably. If you have a good solution for that I'm sure we can clean up all the messy divorces. Until then though...not sure what options we have.
I suspect the downvote is because you brought up gender. You aren't supposed to point out that there are differences in the way men and women are treated upon leaving a marriage.
To give an example, I have my 2 kids almost 50/50 split custody (I have them 6pm Thursday to 6pm Sunday) and had my child support set at $1700 per month. This was on top of an additional $1800 per month of spousal support, which I had to give up my 401k to pay off because I couldn't afford that much monthly expense). My ex makes variable income of $3,500 to $5000 per month working part time as a wedding photographer. My wages are garnished, and if I ever have a change in circumstances, I will have to go through a lengthy court process just for a shot at that. In the meantime, I would be responsible for the original amount plus interest until such time as the court saw fit to change it.
I'm a good father. I love my kids and want to support them. The way the system is currently structured, if you made more money than your spouse during the marriage, you have to provide the same "lifestyle" as you had during the marriage to your children, regardless if they are in your care or not. I struggle to make ends meet, while my ex is able to live comfortably, take them on numerous expensive vacations, etc. because so much of my income is given to the other party as child support, but can spent as they see fit.
I am in full agreement with you - the majority of divorces should be simple. They should be a form you complete in a clerks office. But that's not how it actually goes, unless both parties are very, very agreeable, and even then you'd better hope the judge is in a good mood and doesn't overrule what you've both agreed to (no I'm not kidding).