I wasn't talking about mean or hurtful language. I was talking about telling someone that their question isn't a good fit for SO. The consequence of that may be a feeling of being "excluded". So now everyone has to add a smiley face at the end of their comments when they say, "You didn't add any sample code. I don't know what you're asking help about" or "I can't understand your question, you should rephrase it"?

No, and I believe you're taking things way too far. And we've all seen pretty mean SO rejection messages. It doesn't take much to be polite in doing so. If you're going to come back with, "What if I'm polite and they still think I'm mean," well, then I don't know what to tell you. I do know that the answer is not to add actual hostility to the site just because you feel that a few people might take expectations of politeness too far.