> I really want to believe there's something better. But I think the real choice is between "local bank" -- shitty website, hard-to-use ATMs that require putting checks in envelopes, bad hours OR a big national bank, where you're a number, but the software is good, there are branches everywhere, they have a good mobile app/good ATMs, etc.

My relatively large regional credit union has all the advantages you list for a big bank except branches everywhere when traveling, especially good ATMs and mobile app. And doesn't have the “your just a number” problem.