I ended up using Synology to manage my IP cameras but came to similar conclusions. It certainly isn't for the faint of heart, though satisfying at the end of the day knowing who has access to your data. I've given up on viewing them from my phone (Synology's DSCam mobile app has been more trouble than it's worth), but I can access them from my laptop over VPN as long as I have a decent Internet connection.

For my wife, who's less tech saavy, I keep a couple nest cams handy :)