“It bothers me how often you...” is objectively true and doesn’t start the conversation with a condemnation.

You are bothered. Maybe it happens every week, maybe it’s only happened three times. But it’s happening enough that it’s bothering you.

That's a very interesting observation. You're possibly right. A few others here have recommended "often" instead or totally different constructions.

Point in fact, I have never had so many replies to a comment on HN in all my many years here. I've hit on something obviously. I can't reply to everyone but I do want to say that I've read all the responses and they're super interesting and food for thought. :)