In my good moods, I'm very chatty, annoyingly chatty to some people, I like risks of the physical kind (bungee jumping/skydiving) but "social risks" are my bane, I've become very careful about being too open when meeting new people, needing time to open up until I open up "too much" for some.

As a kid, I was pretty much constantly very social, lively and chatty, without any of these apathetic down phases. I kinda trained myself into these due to negative social feedback to my "liveliness". By now I feel somewhat guilty/out of character when I'm "too happy", as I fear I might annoy my social surroundings.

I like doing new things, up to a point where I dread any routine, but at the same time, I notice how not having routine makes me anxious. It feels like a trade-off between "stable but uncreative routine" and "creative/volatile let's try everything".

As you might notice: I'm a bit all over the place, which doesn't make a diagnosis very easy, especially once it starts factoring in my, rather unconventional, upbringing in two different languages across three different countries.

That is exactly how I feel and I don't know how I FEEL about THAT. Welp...