Very few people have been "on track" their whole life and workplaces are full of "average" people (by definition), nothing to worry about. Self study can be daunting, I know from experience. Maybe seek some counseling for your psyche (you alread know your own thoughts about yourself are kinda off right now, right?) , join a coding bootcamp. IT needs lots of people to solve lots of problems, the vast majority doable by ordinary people. Hope that helps :-)