The other thing I've noticed is that the separation and challenge of raising children has made me more productive. You don't know stress until you've had a newborn. There are things at work that used to affect me and I look back now and think "how was that even a problem?"
That doesn't sound like a recommendation for becoming a parent. In fact it sounds the opposite - "don't have children, or you'll guilt yourself out of every other thing you could be doing".
There's tonnes of reasons why I wouldn't recommend parenthood. I don't think I was ready by any margin. All I'm saying is that I don't regret it and I consider it the best decision of my life.
My personal recommendation us when in doubt, err on the side of not having children. Don't make life harder on you than it has to be.
Hopefully I do a good job and it'll be my honour when my children look after the old when they grow up.
Sorry to hear that man, cannot imagine what you're going through - I've come close with my Mrs and it's not nice.
Your kids should be your number one priority, absolutely.
Make no mistake though: when you have kids you are trading off professional development outside of work for raising a family.
Nothing wrong with that, but the trade off definitely is there. People who ambitiously work on personal projects in their spare time will, on average, advance faster than those who are 9-5'ers.
If I "ambitiously worked on side projects", I'd at best miss times I'll never get back and at worse be downright neglectful.
That's a "trade off" I haven't thought twice about making. There is no mistake. As I said, my kids are number one.
In fact, I'd argue it isn't much of a trade off at all. Time with my kids is infinitely more valuable than time spent on my career.
Someday :)
What changed was my partner's boy, and now my boy for all intents and purposes. It made me rethink my stance and I decided to expand my family.
I believe that having children gave me more motivation and reason to be better at the things I do. It also forced me to structure my life a lot more which can have beneficial effects on productivity too.
One of the many reasons I remain childfree.
You cannot know the feeling of it until you do. You cannot really understand it until you do. It changes your world.
That's my main problem with it, it's super selfish to procreate. I don't feel I have the right to force new life (with all the pain and suffering that entails) onto this world for the sake of making me happy. I love my potential children too much to do that to them.
How is it not self-indulgent to have a child to fulfill your own sense of purpose?
You are utterly alien to a lot of people.
Give one reason to have children that doesn't include words like "I want".
Wanting something isn't selfish. It entirely depends on what it is you actually want.
Oh yes, you could argue from a hardcore libertarian stance that altruism does not exist and every action is inherently selfish but is that a good way of looking at the world? I think not.
Define 'good' ? It's an accurate way of looking at the world. You can try to convince yourself otherwise but you don't really live in that world.
You don't want kids because it's selfish? That must mean, using objectivist reasoning, that to you not having kids is even more selfish. So your reason for not having kids is no reason at all if you subscribe to that sort of shit.
As for good, in the same way that you reduce a lot of things down to one thing that is objectively true but isn't really useful for everyday life.
Sure, I accept that it's possible to reduce down and argue all behaviours are selfish. Does that provide insights about the world? Nope. Does it explain human behaviour adequately, even if fundamentally accurate? "Why does inequality negatively impact inequality?" Because people are selfish?
People argue all kinds of insane things.
Having kids to fulfill your own sense of purpose is very selfish.
On the flip flip side, there is some chance your child may take 1 or more lives.
Arguing about the selfishness of procreation is silly. It is your biological purpose. Whether you choose to run with that or not is down to you. It is not selfish if you choose whatever way.
As a parent, my children come first. I would die for them. You make that choice when you have children. That is NOT selfish.
It's a relief because whatever energy I have left I spend on books, articles, papers. Those things have helped my 9 to 5 in a big way. I bring what I learn to the job.
It doesn't beat hands on practice. I do itch to work on practice projects and I'm hoping when the kids are a little older, I'll have more time and energy for that.
In any case, my kids are my number one. The day my first was born was the day my motivations and my reason for being shifted.