I felt much the same in California - but in NYC I've been able to find communities to participate in, and this is still the place where I feel most at home.

I think part of it has to do with just how many people here are transplants - whereas in Seattle it seemed like (at least for a 20-something recent grad living on Capitol Hill circa 2009) there was a firm social division between transplants and locals. This may have changed in the years since, considering how many more transplants there are now.

There were a few transplant circles I ran in (including a hacker space I liked a lot), but most of them being tech-centric it felt restrictive. I'd be very happy to learn if the situation has changed.

I felt similarly about San Francisco - the circles that seemed accepting of transplants (worse, techie transplants) tended to be tech-heavy, and it became impossible to "get away" from tech even during my off hours. More diverse interests tended to look at us warily - though I don't really begrudge them, there are a lot of good reasons.