As usual people are missing part of the story. Both side screw up. BOTH.

E.G: there is a strong racism culture among Catalonia independentists, even against other Spaniards. They even invented part of their cultural heritage to sound more credible (look up their "ancestral cultural dance" origin, it is kinda funny). If you want your independence, not alianating the rest of your neighbors for decades can be a good start.

Those events are never unfolding in an instant, but are the consequences of years of complex shenanigans.

I'm not saying it's a good thing, but is there any reason at all to believe that the rest of Spain would have allowed the referendum if only Catalonia had been very nice to everyone else? Seems like an excuse to me.

That's assuming a side already.

Again, nobody is right here. They bkth screw up in many ways.