My commute is ten minutes on a bike, I live alone so I don't need a big house, and I have no use for a lawn. Your values are clearly different, so New Hampshire is the right call for you (or NC, or whatever). But they're not apples-to-apples comparisons.
If you want to live inside the Beltway, add 20%-50% to those figures, depending on neighborhood.
All those will be in livable, reasonably safe neighborhoods with decent public schools. I'm sure there are options that cost less if you look hard enough.
FWIW, I chose "nice, older town-home" for a bit under $500k. That's on two mid-career, white-collar salaries. We have enough left over to max our 401ks, take vacations, etc. The loss of one income wouldn't drive us to homelessness, but it would hurt. I walk to work, bike to grocery store, and my spouse has a 7 mile commute (it's also bike-able, which she does occasionally).
Yeah, I'm catagory #4. Been here long enough to get on the escalator when it was possible, living in a modest house in a neighborhood I could never buy back into. And I understand what the money would do elsewhere, I moved here from Minneapolis/St. Paul area, and would be shopping for lakeshore if I moved back there.
Housing is broken. Sunnyvale is at least building new high-density housing, but not at a fast enough rate. Units are sold before the dirt has been scraped clean to start construction.
Your normal family property (approx 1500 - 2000 ft/sq, ~1 acre land) goes for $200k - $250k. Still expensive, but doable, especially if both parents are making decent money (>= $50k/year is what I count as decent money). Less than $30k down payment brings your monthly expenses to less than $2k/mo. Exactly half price for what I'd imagine to be similar living conditions in SF Bay (albeit Bay Area public schools are probably better than NH's, though New England has very good schools).
It's clear that you're making a lot more money than I am for similar experience -- I too am less than 30 years old -- but I wonder the difference in percentage our savable income is, given the difference in costs we both pay for housing. I too wonder for others in our age and job demographic what they're able to save when living in SF Bay vs. elsewhere.
The cost of living there doesn't seem worth it to me. Heck, NE I think is too expensive! Been looking to move down to Raleigh, NC after I get married, but that's neither here nor there.