OP Here. Hi. I am going to turn 30 this year. I wouldn't say I'm pretty, I'm just a chubby nerd to be honest. Magically was used for effect; it was me busting my ass networking and submitting articles at a fever's pitch. Magically means more like 'it just suddenly happened' after doing everything in my power to muster up some work.

It's a daily struggle.

Thanks for the advice--the enthusiasm isn't here every day. And I really would like a 9-5 if it was a job that I felt good about going to, that I could believe in the people and the product. Haven't had really one of them that didn't use me up in some way and spit me out. Full-stack marketing on $30k a year is ridiculous.

Like today, it's not so easy to put on a brave face. I'm sitting here staring at my prospects and I'm shaking in my boots. But you know what? I get to create. Every day I get to make something. And I'm not beholden to someone's time table. My earning power is as strong and fierce as I'm willing to go. And anxiety is a heavy, heavy motivator.

The eventual solution is to start my own business. I do not have mouths to feed yet--I cannot carry children because of a genetic disorder that would be passed to them--it'd be bad. So...yes. I can understand you feeling jaded.

Really I can.

If you want to talk sometime or something, I'm on discord--you can reach me at the handle at the bottom of the article.

Thanks for sharing your opinion!

Thank you for your candor, and for giving us a glimpse of the other side of the story.

And -- I can assure you -- you're younger and prettier than me. It's currency in this business, far more than any of us would like to admit.

No problem man. I mean...I stand behind a monitor and the most anyone sees of me is a photo taken at a museum with a huge red background and it's fuzzy like I just stepped out of myspace. But I do believe you. I've seen people succeed on that merit alone.

I wouldn't mind some elaboration. I'm early-thirties and find myself dwelling on these issues regularly. I feel I'm at a crossroads where on the one hand I can still go for those 'hot' things with enough excitement, but on the other hand find myself tired of feeling like I'm just following trends and reinventing the wheel, instead of actually getting better at my craft, much as the word makes me feel self-conscious.

Technical experience and expertise is no longer enough to be successful in the software business. As a developer you are only one source of technical expertise, competing with other sources, including offshore workers and libraries on GitHub and npm. To make it you have to have well-cultivated soft skills and be exactly what your client is looking for. This is increasingly true of nine-to-fivers -- for whom an entry-level job requires at least three years' experience in whatever framework the company is using as well as "cultural fit" (a proxy for who knows what kind of discrimination) -- but it's still especially true of freelancers. If you're not exactly what your client needs, you're out. And if you're in the Valley startup scene, where every new JavaScript framework has apocalyptic implications and no one over thirty is to be trusted per the words of God-Emperor Zuckerberg, then what your clients need is for you to be young, hip, and smart -- but not wise to the fact that the latest stuff is yesterday's advancements, warmed over and retooled to hide the deficiencies in today's tech. Or at least you can't let them know you're wise. Them being the people with the money.

If you want to make it in this world, fuck your craft. Crafts are for evenings and weekends. Work on your hustle instead. Look up some hot new framework and build a thing in it, then prepare some slides and give a talk -- to no one, in your room -- about what you learned so the words roll off easy when you're trying to impress somebody at your local meetup. Stock up on Just For Men so you can still pass for 28. If you want to be where the true advances in the field are, go back to college and get a Ph.D. or at least a master's because blockchain, AI, machine learning -- these require more math than the average baccalaureate college grad has been prepared with. (But mind your love life while there; if you fuck the wrong girl you are automatically assumed to have raped her per Title IX regulations.) And robotics and IoT require deep engineering backgrounds.

If making it in Hollywood means sucking Harvey Weinstein's dick, then you know what you've gotta do. Get on your knees, or walk out the door and do something else. It's not fair and it's not just, but this is the world we live in.

OP here. I...totally feel this way. I'll be 30 mid next month. I feel this every day, but I also have to stay positive and kick my own ass.

Reinventing the wheel is so totally exhausting....what is your field or expertise? I might have some people I can connect you to (?)

This is pretty offensive to be honest. Attributing the OP's success and optimism on being young and 'pretty'. What about skill, or determination? I think what you are describing is the difference between being positive and optimistic rather than.. as you said jaded.

OP here. Optimism tastes like anxiety in my mouth, and my laughter and sarcasm is just a front for how damn hard I'm kicking my own ass.

I think they were, like you said, just feeling jaded. I feel it too though...looking at where I am, at nearly 30, and seeing where people who are younger than I am are. But, man, we all have our own stuff we go through.

Better late than never, always keep swimming and kicking so we can thrive. That's the anxiety talking. I'm positive because I have to be. If I wasn't positive, I wouldn't be kicking so hard xD