Re:How Emotional Labor is Dragging Down Gender Equality
by TFortunato on Thursday September 28, 2017 @11:35AM
(#15357881)
You caught me off-guard a bit saying my post is sexist. To be clear I am NOT saying that this is how things are in all relationships, or how things should be. I'm very much in the camp of partners needing to be full partners, and for open and health communication.
I'm also not blind to the fact that there are still some deeply ingrained stereotypes, however subtle, about gender roles in our society, and I'm trying, perhaps poorly, to rephrase some points from the article (and others like it), in which the author very clearly names this: "the mental load bore almost exclusively by women."
This isn't a personal attack on you or your relationship. On the contrary, it sounds like you have a pretty healthy relationship, and I'm happy for you!
But the fact that this concept resonates with many people though, men and women, probably means there is something here that warrants more conversation for a lot of people, even if it isn't something that is a problem in your particular relationship.
Re:How Emotional Labor is Dragging Down Gender Equality
by mercer on Thursday September 28, 2017 @02:11PM
(#15359477)
I can definitely confirm that despite my many readings of articles and studyings of psychology, this article describes some of the most common issues I've run into in romantic relationships with women on a day to day level, but in some cases relationship-ending. I don't think the point of the article is, or the point of our discussions should be whether this is the way things just are, or should be. Rather, it's about acknowledging that this is very often the case, whether by nature or nurture or whatever. Just that 'common ground' might be essential to developing ways to improve things.
Re:How Emotional Labor is Dragging Down Gender Equality
by fatbird on Thursday September 28, 2017 @01:50PM
(#15359299)
You're treating a description of the status quo as prescriptive, which is how you're mistakenly viewing the article and the poster to whom you're responding as "outrageously sexist". Women are still, by existing social norms, expected to be relationship caretakers, and this is being identified as a sexist problem to be addressed, not as a goal.
And a relationship where one person feels such an emotional burden is not healthy.
I have to point out this as well:
"This is about the idea that women are more often expected to be the ones to suggest a compromise, or to be the ones which have to point out these rifts in the relationship. More generally, to do the actual work of being in a relationship and keeping it healthy."
This is outrageously sexist. In my relationship, I'm continually suggesting compromises, and "doing the actual work of being in a relationship and keeping it healthy." The idea that women are the caretakers of relationships is silly. In a healthy relationship, both partners have responsibility and the ability to keep things operating on an even keel.