You're joking but...

    alias g='git status -sb'
    alias ga='git add'
    alias gac='git commit --amend'
    alias gb='git branch'
    alias gbb='git checkout -b'
    alias gbm='git branch --merged'
    alias gbn='git branch --no-merged'
    alias gc='git commit -m'
    alias gcp='git cherry-pick'
    alias gco='git checkout'
    alias gd='git diff'
    alias gdc='git diff --cached'
    alias gg='git status'
    alias gl='git log --graph --pretty=format:"%Cred%h%Creset -%C(auto)%d%Creset %s %Cgreen(%cr) %C(bold blue)<%an>%Creset" --abbrev-commit'
    alias gla='git log --all --graph --pretty=format:"%Cred%h%Creset -%C(auto)%d%Creset %s %Cgreen(%cr) %C(bold blue)<%an>%Creset" --abbrev-commit'
    alias ggpublish='git push && git push --tags && npm publish'
    alias gp='git pull --rebase && git push'
    alias gpp='git push && git push --tags'
    alias gpl='git pull --rebase --prune'
    alias gpt='git pull --rebase && git push --tags'
    alias grb='git rebase'
    alias grc='git rebase --continue'
    alias gsp='git stash ; gp ; git stash pop'
    alias unfuckgitremote='git branch --set-upstream-to=origin/`git rev-parse --abbrev-ref HEAD` `git rev-parse --abbrev-ref HEAD`'

I have to admit I use `unfuckgitremote` more often than you'd hope.