Then you'll absolutely love the URLbar marquee[0]. Combine this with a page title marquee and you can grab attention even if the browser is minimized. (Can now only get results for maps to bars named Marquee...). Now just add fartscroll.js[1] and you're set with the most annoying website.

[0] https://grack.com/blog/2011/03/07/abusing-the-html5-history-...

[1] https://github.com/theonion/fartscroll.js/