I think one of the difficulties here is that much of the functionality that comes from, for example, Docker + Kubernetes exists as part of the BEAM VM. A lot of the development being done today in deployment is around Docker and Docker clustering technology, which means that it often feels like you are doing things the old fashioned way when using BEAM clustering & networking technology.

There are ways to set up these systems in symbiotic configurations, like having an Elixir/Erlang/BEAM cluster that has auto-joining thanks to external service discovery. However, to use the hot-swap functionality, you are going to be working with the BEAM VM directly, which means going through the Docker container boundary.

Know that if you choose to go with BEAM and no Docker, you will still have access to amazing deployment features (like hot swapping, as you mentioned), but also clustering, service discovery, monitoring, etc. You're just going to be spending a lot more time at the command line without the pretty interfaces and the sleek modern tools.

To get a better understanding of running BEAM, I highly recommend "Designing for Scalability with Erlang/OTP". You'll have to learn Erlang to get through it, but IMO it's the best introduction.