I use a metaphor of "getting stuck on the stairs". There's a party on the second floor, but you're in a wheelchair and there's only stairs.

Our goal is to get you to the second floor, so you can party. To do that we have to deal with stairs with a wheelchair.

But we don't want to stay on the stairs; dealing with the wheelchair isn't the point; getting to the party is the point.

When you adopt victimhood as an identity, you're stuck on the stairs.

(note: it might not be your choice that it's part of your identity, but anecdotally, those people don't really get stuck on the stairs).