I'm a woman. I didn't know what I wanted to do when I went to school so I chose CS on a whim. My life did not live and breathe code and I'm not someone who "appears" to be a programmer.

However I too am self motivated and have built a successful tech business simply because I like getting good at the things I do. I absolutely love it now but I was pretty confused in college.

Not sure if this answers any part of your question. I certainly have no problem with frat culture but I in the past I enjoyed work environments that were not too focused on any particular culture.