> and sometimes wonder if it is willful

I think it is.

We See What We Want to See and hear what we want to hear [0]

Francis Bacon said in 1620 that "the human understanding when it has once adopted an opinion … draws all things else to support and agree with it. And though there be a greater number and weight of instances to be found on the other side, yet these it either neglects and despises, or else by some distinction sets aside and rejects; in order that by this great and pernicious predetermination the authority of its former conclusions may remain inviolate." [1]

Biased processing and confirmation bias are most likely to occur when people feel threatened in their beliefs[2]

[0] - https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/kidding-ourselves/20140...

https://blogs.worldbank.org/publicsphere/i-only-hear-what-i-...

[1] - www.constitution.org/bacon/nov_org.htm

[2] - http://psy2.ucsd.edu/~mckenzie/nickersonConfirmationBias.pdf

Thanks for the book suggestion though.