Took me awhile to figure this one out, but once I did, life was significantly better.
The bottom line of the book is that people that want to get along fine with others should be wary of the other people's emotions. For instance, of the the first "principles" in the book is to not criticise, condemn or complain people openly, because people get defensive (an emotional reactional) when you do that, and you can't get nothing out of them. The rest of the chapters are also related with other people's emotions.
As for "genuinely cares", the book also talks about it in some chapters. What I could get out of it so far is that someone who listens with attention is mostly grasped as someone who genuinely cares about other people..
All in all, the bottom line of the book is all about "managing" the other people's emotional reactions..
But in my amateur opinion it is at the end of the day simply a mal-adaptive reflex, and reflexes can be trained. Working out, mediation and proper sleep also helped a lot more than I thought they would. I wonder if reflexes like this partially stem from an mildly overactive adrenal system or something.
You are the only constant in your life. The only person with complete continuity (outside any mishaps/substances). That moment you're obsessing over? To everyone else it's just a 3min awkward interaction with a random person they're never going to see again. Or a bit of weirdness in a relationship that's going to last a small fraction of their life if you're lucky.
Relax, do stuff, experiment, have fun. You're the only one who cares. Say something random, see what happens.
To expand on this point, a solid "whoah, whoah, whoah...slow down for me...what happened" goes a long way. Recognising someone is in emotional pain, and working to solve that, goes miles with even the crankiest people.
I'd prefer to maintain a level of mindfulness towards emotions, and avoid allowing them to force a state of "emotional processing" along with the various actions required.
For somebody who seems to run into the same issues in all aspects of his life, I can only recommend the Costanza method. [0] I did however begin to wonder if the author was pulling my leg when he complained of partners wanting to talk during sex--because, based on the rest of the post, how is this guy getting laid? FWIW, when in doubt, whisper in French. [1]
[0] http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0697744/?ref_=ttep_ep10 [1] https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/L%27esprit_de_l%27escalier
In the first example presented in the article, it would have been much more effective and kind to come to the other person and try to understand why the module failed instead of ranting. Ranting and yelling almost never leads to positive outcomes even if it feels good at the time.
https://waitbutwhy.com/2014/06/taming-mammoth-let-peoples-op...
To use his first example, when he's being insulted why spin off into emotional-analysis neverland? What's happening there is you're being abused by an asshole, and you should respond to said abuse and, once that situation is resolved, examine the real issue more thoroughly.
I'm speaking as someone who used to think exactly like this guy. What I realized in early college was: In general, no one cares. No one cares if you're partially wrong, no one cares if you're a little off or awkward, no one beyond your family/SO and close friends gives a flying fuck about your emotions. Nor will they remember a slight moment of awkwardness a week later. They're simply far too consumed with their own lives for it to matter. Demanding perfect social interactions is paralyzing, irrational and not expected.
He does arrive at some appropriate conclusions ("Know thy worth"), but all the analogies and self-analysis he does isn't "emotional processing", it's simple insecurity. IMO the only emotions he's processing in those moments are fear and anxiety.