> I cannot recall ever reading about them ever blaming any experience on people just being baseline terrible

I mean, that's not really newsworthy. "I experience a lot of racism, but today someone was a dick to me for a racially neutral reason." It's hard to imagine someone being motivated to write this story, since it's such an obvious fact of life. I hope you don't think that people who talk about racism believe that every negative event in their life was solely caused by racism.

Have you discussed this stuff with any women or non-white people? I find it's a lot easier to understand when you're having a friendly conversation rather than reading an angry blog post.