As a Christian dude, I try to "...love your neighbor as you'd love yourself" far more than attaining popularity/power/etc; varying degrees of grief, but also much joy have resulted from this struggle.

Totally understand that many think religions, in general, are BS/fake/etc. Have you considered reaching out to counseling services or a local support group (can be friends/family) to work thru stuff?

My bible study group meets weekly to study/discuss/act on some of the more obvious positive stuff from the Bible. We also support each other thru life in general. I think having a positive group that regularly meets to support each other is super conducive to life improvement as well as helping you thru darker times.

Hope things get better for you