It is completely legit to see it differently and to have a completely different experience. All I can relate is what I have seen in the last 25 years in the Bay Area. Having seen the effect in action early in my career (both people opting out after they said they would and other sorts of moves which affected relationships) I sought to understand it and came to my current appreciation of the various points of view.
Before I posted I had checked in with a friend of mine who is a contract recruiter and they seemed to feel my understanding of the situation was both correct and that this effect is fairly universal. It doesn't mean that it is of course. The next time you have a chance to talk with someone, in a safe and informal matter, who is in the hiring 'food chain' of something you consider "good" startup, ask them what they think. Nothing feeds a discussion like good data.
I agree with the other commenter - to people reading, this does not apply in many places. Maybe in massive bureaucratic old-school tech firms, but not younger ones like Airbnb etc.