I don't know your friend so I can't speak to directly to her specific behaviors, but I know a lot of people like your friend and I think it might be helpful for you if you considered her thoughts from a different perspective - Perhaps you may not be personally 'racist', and perhaps you don't feel 'racist', but there is enough objective science based evidence to conclude that we live in a society that highly favors whiteness over browness and blackness. And if you're a white person in a society that favors whiteness, you benefit from that favoritism. That benefit is what people are calling a system of 'white privilege' and 'systemic racism'. So as a person who benefits from these systems, and has never experienced what it's like to be on the other side of this system, it's possible (likely even) that you've unconsciously learned some behaviors that contribute to this system. So her words may not be an attack on you personally, it's just a very blunt way of acknowledging something that has been proven (scientifically) time and time again. White privilege exists, all white people benefit from it...

The last thing I want to say is that something can be racist even if there is no intent to be racist. The outcome is what matters. There are millions of perfectly nice people who don't intentionally do racist things that still end up contributing to racism because of subconscious bias that have been instilled in them by our society.

Just an example - http://hbswk.hbs.edu/item/minorities-who-whiten-job-resumes-...

I doubt these companies are intentionally expressing bias towards minorities, but the outcome is a hiring process that requires them to 'mask' their identity, a burden that white people don't have to bear. And if you don't have to bear a burden carried by a large percentage of people unlike yourself, that's a privilege...