I finally switched back to an iPhone, and realized how silly I was trying to convince my iPhone using friends to switch to Android. It just works. My friends don't care about kernels or custom ROMs. They want an OS that works, is secure, and stays updated. iOS does that. Apple will have to really mess things up for me to leave iOS at this point. For something I interact with on a daily basis, I don't have the time or the patience to deal with Android.
The things that iOS does, it arguably does better than Android. The things it doesn't do are what have kept me away.
External storage seems to be pretty rare on Android though?
My #1 complaint about iOS is that they don't really allow other browsers.
Not too rare. Google doesn't like it, so their stuff usually doesn't have it, but Samsung, HTC, and LG seem to have it in most of their flagships, anyhow. Maybe a generation skipped, here or there. It's not guaranteed, but not rare. I checked some budget phones from Blu, for the other end of the price spectrum. Some of those have microSD slots, too.