Interestingly, for some people, letting go of the money without a fight is psychologically wrecking as well. It can eat away at you, make you question yourself.

The question in my mind is what kind of person are you, or if you have someone in your circle ( like the wife in question ), and have them do the chasing, just for their own well being. I like that option here - not knowing you or your wife, so maybe I am all wrong - because then she won't be carping after you.

In the learning to let go department, if you have a hard time letting go, I think it is totally worth trying to get the money. Eventually you get it, or become so exhausted, you just wanna give up. Then you just reflect on how it went, and get better at deciding how to proceed in the future.