I was able contest the fee each time (with an extra step to get it actually refunded rather than a credit for future rides), but the reason I started using Uber to begin with was largely about accountability and convenience, both of which seemed to be on the decline when this was happening. Plus there's something especially insulting about being charged a fee for the privilege of being stood up.

Maybe things have improved recently but their corporate behavior hasn't given me much reason to start using the app again.

Having lived (and survived!) the NYC dating scene it took me until the "I would cancel, contact support..." part of your post to realize you were talking about Uber and not the lunatics you encounter during the NYC dating experience.