I have extensive experience with this topic, having once held a grudge against my dad for over 15 years.

My dad stopped living with us when I was 15 due to problems with my mom. He still visited all the time and they actually got back together later.

And I understood all the circumstances, even back then. But for some reason, I was very angry with him about it. And I was not alone; I have siblings that are still angry with him now, over thirty years later.

It was very painful for both of us. Every time I'd go home, there'd be constant tension. If he answered the phone when I called, I asked for Mom right away.

I can't recall the catalyst but 10 or 15 years ago, I decided to let this anger go. Things normalized and the tension evaporated. I even told my dad that I loved him. We even started hugging.

I guess I realized that he was never going to do whatever it was I thought he should to make up for his failures.

Ironically, it was only after this that we had conversations about why other siblings were angry. I suggested that he apologize to them. And he did!

After this, he called me up and said that he realized that he had not apologized to me and he did so.

I can't help but think that if I hadn't let this go, I would have never gotten this apology.

Today, my dad is in a nursing home and slowly losing all ability to experience the world. But he is at peace, finally, with what is happening and with me. Something I never thought I'd see.