Nobody, they're TAs now. ;)
Got any info for the lazy on the existence of a thesis track?
In my experience, the thesis is a huge part of the degree when it's present so I find it at least somewhat curious that some (many?) programs that are generally considered quite good don't have one.
Another thing one professor explained to me is that the standards for a Master's thesis are actively changing. You can either do a glorified undergrad senior project (but with you doing all of the work that a small team might do in undergrad) or intense publication-worthy research. The latter was mostly people going forward with a PhD to follow. I definitely went in to the degree with the impression that all Master's students were doing a thesis in the second category, but I think this is a case of the times are changing.
I am curious: who in the world would do both?
A more serious question, since you're going through it now: is there a thesis component to the online MS, or is it just coursework? If there's a thesis (either required or as an option for more research-oriented students), how does the thesis mentoring at a distance work?