From someone who's been there - and occasionally starts to head back there - I offer sincere congratulations on (1) recognizing it and (2) speaking about it both here and to this new person in your life. That said, I cannot stress enough the value of a good counselor and possibly medication to help get things on a sustainable, healthy, enlivening course.

(For me it took some meds to help give myself mental space to begin forming healthy habits and ways of thinking. In case it helps: that first pill was literally the hardest thing I've ever had to swallow, because at the time I thought it meant that I couldn't fix myself. In retrospect I realize that choosing to take meds was in fact me taking control.)

> The one thing I'm trying to avoid is telling people about it, I don't ever want to put someone in the position of "listen, my life is harder than yours because of X condition, so you need to adjust to me". I think that's gross. Like my loud friend. It's totally his right to be loud, and it's unfair to him that someone like me lives next door

It's good that you're not asking him to adjust to you, but I hope you realise that you do not deserve to live like this, and that help might be available.

Have you seen a doctor?

There are some physical health checks they'll want to do, and then there are some mental health options they can talk about with you.

If you were in England you could expect this from the NHS: https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/cg113

Broader information: https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/conditions-and-diseases/men...

Anxiety disorders often respond well to treatment.

> There are some physical health checks they'll want to do

The importance of this step should not be underestimated. Hormonal and neurological phenomena can have huge effects on mental and emotional processes. It's socially accepted to joke about hormone-addled teenagers and "roid rage" (and, not so long ago, PMS), but then we act like the default is somehow to have no hormones at all, instead of admitting to ourselves that every one of our brains is marinating in a constantly-fluctuating chemical soup.

> Like my loud friend. It's totally his right to be loud, and it's unfair to him that someone like me lives next door.

This is not even close to true, and I suspect even your friend doesn't think it is true! You shouldn't have to hear the person you live next to, period. You feel angry because your friend's behavior is either clueless or inconsiderate—likely the former. Educating him would help both of you.

Please though, stop living like this. It's almost certainly fixable with a conversation or two. If it isn't, talk to a landlord. If it still isn't, talk to the police.

I've been there. I know how you feel. Don't blame yourself.

> Sometimes when I wake up just right after a perfect sleep, hit my routine properly, get everything done, then I feel great, and can go out, and do things. But I have to feel extremely great, and it takes so much work to get there. And it only ever works rarely.

I've been here too. You need to see a therapist, sweetie. It'll help.

It's such a weird situation all around, there's many angles at play. Moving out soon anyways to a more insulated place soon so all of this will cease to matter (hopefully). Thanks.

Man, shitty situation. I hope you can find some help, either from books or professionals or the internet or a spiritual practice or whatever, because that's no way to live and you deserve a better life and inner world.

One thing here did jump out at me: "... I can either lie to make him feel better or tell him what's actually up and potentially lower his quality of life and instill in him a similar amount of anxiety ..."

Talk to him. Assume he has good emotional boundaries, and can hear what you have to say without taking on your suffering. Your emotional state isn't his, and he may have quite a different reaction than you would in his shoes.

Good luck man.

Thanks. Also re: books. If you go through my comment history you'll find some good quotes by Glenn Gould that helped me with anxiety.

I understand you when you say "it's just surviving. Dead time", that is what I think about it and that's one of the reasons I'm fighting now. I don't reach the point of not getting out of the room/flat but I tend to avoid dinner or lunch in restaurants with a lot of people, and doing some things alone like going to buy clothes or so. It helps to go accompanied by someone you trust but I also understand you when you feel bad talking about it with others, I also feel the same. Some situations are avoided because you had a panic attack in the past and think it can happen again in the future. Social interactions are feared the most. That's why in your room you feel safe. I've heard about people not even moving from the half of the bed they feel its 'safe'.

After some months with bad mood, kind of depressed, and after realizing my psycologist wasn't working I told myself to go find another one specialized in this kind of disorders. The change was unbelievable. He told me what I was feeling was totally 'normal' symptoms, we went broke down the Cognitive aspects, motor aspects and psychophysiological aspects (I have them on paper) that we feel when we suffer anxiety. He explained to me a lot of what is happening and WHY, that brought me a calming sensation of not being alone/rare/unique. I am now working (I have homework from session to session) about what situations activate bad feelings and automatic thoughts so we can reprogram them and deactivate those bad beliefs that provoque anxiety/panic attacks. My psycologist assures me that if I work hard with the tools he gives me I will definitely overcome anxiety, and for the time being I'm amazed at how he understands everything I'm going through. He has given me hope, which is something I needed. We also talked about taking medicines, I haven't tried them, but as a friend says, I think they just help you to work on this, they kind of push you forward (a little), then you just can stop taking them.

A very important thing he has also told me is to do Sport, have hobbies, etc. He names them "valves" that lower our anxiety levels or help compress our problems to generate less anxiety.

I don't accept living with anxiety as I think it is not permanent and I've seen improvements over time. I think this couple (she) hasn't received the right treatment. It's not easy but you have to confront your fears, analize them and create a new belief that substitutes them, some of these beliefs come from when you were young or have been there since you were a kid but now they hurt you more.

Please see a doctor. It can seem like there is no way out, but a doctor can really help and help you find a better way to cope. Please.

Everyone adjusts to somebody else - it's not gross at all :)

That's just every human relationship I've ever heard of.

It sounds like you're inside your head a lot - I'd suggest finding extremely simple activities you enjoy - like going for a walk 2x/day.

When you don't walk around outside and get some sun - you won't feel so good.

I've relatively recently moved from a busy downtown corner to a quiet place by a huge park - it's changed my life a great deal because I now enjoy going for my walks way more.

It's good that you've met a girl - that you think 'why would someone be nice to me?' is a sign of a great number of negative beliefs in your head, that are not true :)

People talk to other people because they're bored, you don't have to be good at anything to have someone pass the time by talking to you.

I hope you figure it out and again, small steps toward activities you enjoy, that involve being outside, and around small groups of people, would be my suggestions.

Yeah man thanks.

>People talk to other people because they're bored, you don't have to be good at anything to have someone pass the time by talking to you.

That's difficult to believe because it doesn't match up to my reality. I usually find I don't have much to talk to anyone about unless we're doing something like making music or exercising or whatever, which is impossible in my current state.

I agree about the sun and walks absolutely, I also need to move. Used to live in a condo with concrete walling where I couldn't hear a single neighbour ever, combined with living 30 floors above street level, it was basically heaven. Moved into a first floor place where the walls are paper thin. I hear everything. The business below me 9 hours a day, my friend, the 6 lane street about 15 meters to my left, and especially the sirens, oh god the sirens.

I think the girl, combined with moving back into a condo in a less busy area will do me heaps actually.

"I usually find I don't have much to talk to anyone about unless we're doing something..."

I very much understand this statement. I think that's why I don't have more social contact - nothing to say, really. I mean, I think a lot, but it doesn't seem to match up with the sorts of things people talk about. And honestly, my life isn't that interesting to talk about. I draw every day, for example, but I can't really talk about that and be interesting.

My spouse, though, I can talk to him for hours. About the world, about sillyness, about art. It works out, and he encourages me to do different things. He fills the place of your girl for me, I think, and reflecting on that:

I'm very happy you found at least one person to connect with. Much luck to you in your future, with all the hopes that it improves over the stuff you've had to deal with.

Exactly!

>"And honestly, my life isn't that interesting to talk about. I draw every day, for example, but I can't really talk about that and be interesting."

You can talk about it and be interesting, just it takes real work to talk about it and a real effort on the opposite side to listen and engage.

I can talk for hours about topic I'm super into, but at that point it feels like I'm talking at someone not with them. Unless they're equally or (ideally) more knowledgeable about the subject than me, or they genuinely just sprouted a passion for that thing and could listen to you all day (rare) but that's usually preceded with some variation of "hey man you're really good at x, can you teach me? I've always wanted to learn about x" which doesn't fall into the context of 'casual conversation', it will always be boring.

And thanks, I'm glad you have found someone as well!

I keep photos of my work on my phone. That's actually the easiest way to talk about it and be engaged. It just doesn't work with everyone :)

"I draw every day, for example, but I can't really talk about that and be interesting."

As in a similar situation as @rublev I feel I am, I think it helps to say that, as this thought is somewhat recurring, we expect our environment to tell us it's great what we do but that's a problem. Man if you enjoy drawing, do it, and if you want to talk about it, do it and if someone does not care, boy you may not care about him writing everyday too, but does this make you a bad person or a non interesting one? Don't expect others approval, be yourself.

Nah, it doesn't make me bad. Non-interesting to the right audience. I have my own work-around: I take photos of the art and keep both the photos and the links to my work handy. I show the pictures, and that sometimes leads to interesting conversation. I tend to take it traveling with me, and meet folks because of it.

The process? Not so interesting to most folks. That's actually ok, I just have the realization of the interest most folks have.

Sounds like this is a temporary hurdle for you - the living arrangement you have.

Regarding not having much to talk about - the more you are in your head, the more true this is :)

Conversations can be about information exchange, and that's where your current comfort level is it sounds like - because it's head-heavy.

There's another way of relating, which's emotion-based - but then if you're a dark cloud of 'life sucks', then of course you stick to intellectual conversations.

Most people put up an emotional wall but you don't have to - a buddy I know went to Japan for a few months, he came back a different person. Not only did he get out of his head while he was there, but now he had an intellectual topic to chat with strangers about - travelling and japan. It got him started on a path toward being able to relate emotionally.

The intellectual stuff gets old - the emotional keeps on giving. My path was making friends with a dude who liked to go out and have a drink, I found that once I got out of the house at least once a week, within a few months I had experiences to talk about, the 'hey have you been to X? My buddy's thinking of doing Y' - it snowballs, but you need to do a little work on yourself and your self esteem, to realize people gravitate towards positive energy and novel experiences - you do too, once you let go of some of the negative barriers you have.

Hey, I hope you do well in the future. It's hard to read this kind of stuff, but knowing this is how some people live makes me feel like I have nothing to complain about ever. I'm glad you have some good days. I share some of your anxieties and anger about other people, but probably to a much lesser extent. Thanks for sharing.

Those days you feel good and in control are the days your cortex is strong. You want to increase the strength of the inhibitory cortex and reduce the loudness of your screaming amygdala. I think you can do this over time, it just takes a lot of work, like you say.

Edit: Reading your other posts, your lifestyle sucks for health, no offense. You need to be eating to keep up blood sugar to your brain to keep your cortex going strong.