Good luck. You sound despondent ... it used to work, but now escapism isn't delivering, and you are afraid where this will lead. Often a change of environment/scenery is the best way to get yourself out of a rut.

H-brain will throw up fear of withdrawl, but you can always get on a shorter plane ride and check straight in to a clinic in some town on the other side of the country, get some methadone and taper off... just try not to make new junkie friends.

Good luck.

http://www.methadone.us/methadone-clinics/ http://www.opiateaddictionresource.com/treatment/methadone_c... http://methadoneclinic.com/how-to-find-free-methadone-clinic...