Re:Teen Creates “Sit with Us” App for Bullied Kids
by bane on Wednesday September 14, 2016 @06:40PM
(#12501817)
I also hate to say it, but this is one of the only effective solutions to bullying (especially among males). People become bullies for complex reasons, and people are bullied for similarly complex reasons. But almost no school aged bully is willing to put themselves at the risk of physical harm.
I wasn't bullied, but I definitely had attempts made. Those attempts were usually resolved very quickly and permanently with a bit of school yard fisticuffs. My friends who didn't fight back physically stayed tormented for as long as they cared not to defend themselves. Arguing, going to teachers, parents, school administrators, counselors, none of it made a lick of difference. Physically fighting back did.
There were two things I think that made it possible for this to work however (my parents were informed by a healthy disdain for the public school system):
1. My father established a standing set of rules in my family about bullies. a) Don't be a bully or you'll get severely punished b) if you are getting bullied, you may reasonably defend yourself without worrying about getting in trouble at home c) you may reasonably defend another person who is getting bullied without worrying about getting in trouble at home. d) if you throw the first punch you'll get in trouble, but you don't have to "win", just defend yourself
2. My father taught me and my siblings how to box a little - basic punches, blocks, parries, enough to be more trouble than it was worth for a school yard tussle.
It worked, I was the perfect bully target in school, smart, bookish, glasses, I never was the victim of bullying after the first return punch.
But I saw other children be bullied mercilessly, beat up, made fun of, even getting urinated on in one occasion, and another pushed head first down a flight of stairs. The problem with defending them of course, is that once I'm not there the bullies will pounce. I've even lost friends who had to move away to go to another school district the bullying was so bad.
There are occasions though where this doesn't work, when the bully returns with a group, or if the parents don't teach and support their child's ability to enter, engage and resolve this kind of conflict on their own terms. Many very well meaning parents cannot imagine their child getting into a school yard fight to defend themselves and try to work through other adults at their level. But it very rarely resolves that way.
I wasn't bullied, but I definitely had attempts made. Those attempts were usually resolved very quickly and permanently with a bit of school yard fisticuffs. My friends who didn't fight back physically stayed tormented for as long as they cared not to defend themselves. Arguing, going to teachers, parents, school administrators, counselors, none of it made a lick of difference. Physically fighting back did.
There were two things I think that made it possible for this to work however (my parents were informed by a healthy disdain for the public school system):
1. My father established a standing set of rules in my family about bullies. a) Don't be a bully or you'll get severely punished b) if you are getting bullied, you may reasonably defend yourself without worrying about getting in trouble at home c) you may reasonably defend another person who is getting bullied without worrying about getting in trouble at home. d) if you throw the first punch you'll get in trouble, but you don't have to "win", just defend yourself
2. My father taught me and my siblings how to box a little - basic punches, blocks, parries, enough to be more trouble than it was worth for a school yard tussle.
It worked, I was the perfect bully target in school, smart, bookish, glasses, I never was the victim of bullying after the first return punch.
But I saw other children be bullied mercilessly, beat up, made fun of, even getting urinated on in one occasion, and another pushed head first down a flight of stairs. The problem with defending them of course, is that once I'm not there the bullies will pounce. I've even lost friends who had to move away to go to another school district the bullying was so bad.
There are occasions though where this doesn't work, when the bully returns with a group, or if the parents don't teach and support their child's ability to enter, engage and resolve this kind of conflict on their own terms. Many very well meaning parents cannot imagine their child getting into a school yard fight to defend themselves and try to work through other adults at their level. But it very rarely resolves that way.